Sunday, February 24, 2013

Almost there!

Don’t give up…you’re almost there! I read this message on a church marquee while driving home from our visit to the petting zoo. Seeing this sign really made my day. The night before I had an emotional meltdown and cried for hours while praying for God to just, “show me a sign,” and lead my path. “I’m so tired.” I couldn’t even muster up a specific request, simply, “God, I need help.” As I sat there recalling all the positive affirmations I once told myself, I began to confess that, “I am strong and I am healed.” Just saying this over and over made me feel so much better: like a blanket of warmth and love washed over me.  In my spirit, I felt an overwhelming sensation to keep hoping and a belief that I can make it through this. Somehow, during my cry fest, Aspie dad overheard me and came into the room, “is it the pain?” he asked. You see, I have been dealing with pain and discomfort from both arthritis and a pesky fibroid, so I’ve been laid-up most of the week. I reply to a puzzled looking Aspie dad, “It’s just everything.” My crying is more intense now. There is silence. I sense that Aspie dad has left the room, so I remove my hands from my swollen eyes to see that he has, in fact, vanished. Much like my little Aspie Marty, Aspie dad could not process my despair and anguish. He hasn’t been programmed to know what to do in the event of an emotional crisis. Yet, I am almost offended; this act temporarily halted my tears. Then I remember that Aspie dad is only doing the best that he knows how to do. And sometimes for him it means doing nothing. I go back to sobbing until I feel relieved. I think to myself, “Maybe I needed that release.”  At any rate, I feel so much better afterward - like I’d been cleansed. I even managed to fall into a deep bizarre dream filled trance for a few hours. I woke up, and the pain subsides long enough for me to fall asleep again; this time uninterrupted by those dreams that seem too strange to even repeat. I arise out of bed at daylight and all is well.

When I drove past the church and read that sign this afternoon, I smiled. “Thanks God! I needed that!” We go to my favorite store, Target, and I stumble upon a new timer for Marty. I am delighted because, number one –it’s on clearance for $4.98 and two- it doesn’t buzz [Marty hates those noisy white kitchen timers cause they “hurt” his ears]. This timer is pink and has a cute little pink piglet perched on top; when it goes off it says, “oink, oink, oink.”  “Perfect,” Marty loves pigs and the timer will help him with transitioning from one activity to the next.  Not to mention, every time I look at the pig timer, I will think, “DON’T GIVE UP NOW; YOU ARE ALMOST THERE!” Today was a good day!
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2 comments:

  1. Love the honesty of your blog. Some very relatable experiences. Thanks for sharing. U have a lot to offer to your sons and the autism community.

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  2. Thanks so much. Your kind words mean a lot to me. :)

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