Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Why I suspected that Marty's dad had Aspergers

Why I suspected Marty’s father of being “different”. I came up with a view bullet points. These points are based on my interactions with him as well as observations over the past ten years. After nagging and threatening divorce; I convinced him to see a specialist when my oldest son was a baby. Marty's dad was evaluated and told that he definitely has traits and markers for Aspergers Syndrome; though the testing was inconclusive as far as an official diagnosis. He was even referred to an Asperger support group as well as genetic testing. I asked him to get a second opinion as the psychologist also suggested that he had onset symptoms on a psychotic disorder. To this day, the man is in denial of his condition. In his opinion, I am the one with the 'problem'. I simply don't love him because he doesn't make enough money. WTH. As the years go by, I feel that he gets further and further from learning better strategies of coping with his anxiety and difficulties with communication. He had been coached by his parents on how he was supposed to act. He is good at imitating people. I often here him telling the kids not to do or act a certain way because people will think that they are weird. I imagine that he heard this a lot growing up. The following list describes why I strongly feel that Marty's dad is on the spectrum.
  • When I felt sad, angry, or in pain, he did not respond: he could not relate
  • Has aversion to textures, loud noises, light
  • Problems gauging distances, perceptions of depth
  • Akward gait, stance, takes long strides
  • Heighted fight or flight - hostile when approached with confrontation
  • Fascination with diapering sons’ soiled diapers
  • Does not understand child development; sometimes expects children to behave in ways beyond their developmental age
  • Conversations are imbalanced; conflict is more about defending himself with no resolution
  • Does not understand reciprocity in relationships
  • Spastic movements when dancing, walks very slow with unusual gait
  • Focuses more on 'reenacting' and imitation rather than envisioning or predicting his own future
  • Language often sounds scripted; issues with adjusting tone of voice
  • When expressing my own feelings, he becomes very defensive: can't comprehend how someone else feels
  • Difficulty remaining on topic and connecting supportive information to one topic
  • Perseverates or gets stuck on an idea/topic; difficulty moving on
  • Unable to evolve in topics related to spirituality, soul, afterlife, anything abstract
  • Does not “get” hints or subtleties or prompting
  •  Appears uncomfortable around my friends’ husbands: failure to connect with them
  • Often appears rude and arrogant: values academia and educational gains
  • Bound to his routine and what he believes is right in spite of consequences and end results
  • Prone to circular conversations with no objective
  • Passive, sometimes to the point of passive aggression
  • No sense of pride in ownership or motivation to have greater attainment in life
  • No sense of how to bond with family members, and why this is important
  • Obsessed with special interests; imposes these interest on others
  • Hyper focused on his own interest; rarely taking interest in what others like
  • No sense of current trends or values of society, standards: such as fashion, material goods, lifestyle
  • Difficulty excepting criticism, direction: will blame people, objects, things for his shortcomings
  • Shifts blame on others, including children: will lie to keep from holding himself accountable
  • Can not follow complex instructions even when they are written down
  • No sense of societal expectations of different gender roles: male and female
  • Seems confused with how to express different levels of anger
  • Unable to explore certain topics beyond surface or concrete facts
  • Trouble thinking deeply about a topic and self reflection
  • Fond of certain phrases heard; will repeat them in various contexts/situations
  • Verbalizes thoughts [talks to himself] while gesturing to himself
  • Difficulty asking for help or seeking an expert for assistance
  • No interest in learning or researching a topic to gain a better understanding [unless it is his special interest]
  • Unaware of when an apology is needed; unaware that he has offended someone
  • Likes to correct errors in grammar, facts, numbers, and historical events
  • Unconventional eating patterns and desired quantity of food for a male; eats less than most males, will repeatedly bite his fork when eating a food he dislikes
  • Unaware of how his appearance: style, grooming, may be inappropriate for context, i.e. wrinkled jeans in a business casual work setting
  • Requires detailed list in order to get things done
  • Disorganized and unaware of lazy or sloppy behaviors
  • Difficulty completing projects and organizing tasks
  • Cannot predict or anticipate needs of others [or needs for safety]
  • More introverted than social or extroverted 
  • Difficulty seeing another person’s point of view if he has not established a frame of reference for that particular occurrence
  • Appears more comfortable relating to and feeling emotions for objects and events [esp. tragedies like the Titanic] rather than people
  • Seemingly more A-sexual; compared to average men and their means for arousal
  • Difficulty with simple projects requiring fine motor skills
  •  Relies more on facts than use of common sense 
  •  Symptoms of ADD, easily distracted; complaints of racing thoughts 
  • Some behaviors, actions seemed more coached than inherit or exercised out of comprehension
  • Fascinated with certain movies and will memorize different scenes and scripts
  • Difficulty with boundaries and giving personal space and adapting to changes


  1. Luv your blog. Can totally relate.

  2. Thanks for the support :) Best wishes to you.